the amend made for your own sake, and refused
it comes to me I see irregarding of their fucked-up attitude I still need to go back and apologize irregardless, for grabbing my balls at them, cause that's old fucking behavior. I see for my own sobriety's sake I need to go back and try and say I'm sorry.
Context
The Ninth Step at street grain, and its hardest teaching: mid-rage, driving away, Mikey prays and it "comes to" him that he has to turn around and apologize — not because they deserve it, whose attitude stays "fucked-up," but "for my own sobriety's sake," the amend owed to his own recovery regardless of the other party. And the program makes no promise it will be received: he goes back, apologizes, and is told his apology isn't accepted, never even learns if the kid's cast is off. Sobriety as behavior you clean up for its own sake, with reconciliation explicitly not guaranteed.