The anti-samizdat public-service ad — Tine chairs "Fully Functional Phil"

texture · 20 November YDAU

• When: 20 November YDAU (a snow-delayed meeting)
• What: The Office's public-facing countermeasure: Tine Sr. ("Chief of Unspecified Services & White House Adviser on Interdependent Relations") chairs a State House Annex meeting with InterLace (Ms. Maureen Hooley), the Glad Flaccid Receptacle Corp. (Carl E. "Buster" Yee), U.S.O.U.S. (R. Tine Jr.), and Viney & Veals advertising (P. Tom Veals) to green-light an anti-samizdat kids' PSA. The spokesfigure is "Fully Functional Phil," an extravagantly crossed-eyed prancing burro who warns children against the smiling unlabelled cartridge and, direly, tells them to fetch a policeman (who'll "know just how to cut the premises' power") if a parent sits blank and engrossed before the viewer. It is the samizdat threat translated into demographic marketing — the Office managing public perception of a danger it cannot yet neutralize. (Tine Jr.'s ruler-tapping runs as comic business through the transcript.)