Joelle decides she wants to stay straight — "It’s the first time in a…"
It’s the first time in a long time—tonight, 11/14—Joelle’s even considered possibly showing somebody the face.
Context
The speaker's truth turns the ratchet in Joelle: for the first time she's sure she wants to stay straight no matter what she has to face — and, remarkably, considers showing someone the face behind the veil. The two decisions arrive together, sobriety and the willingness to be seen, because the meeting has just demonstrated that the unbearable thing survives being told. Her freebase love-affair's long hiding meets, here, the first crack of a wish to come out from behind it.