IJ study archive

DFW and David Lipsky — original road-trip tape excerpt (1996)

source

TL;DR

A ~9-minute excerpt of the actual March 1996 tape behind Although Of Course You End Up Becoming Yourself — audio of the conversations the Lipsky book note describes. Dense for its length: the towel-boy/Michael Ryan humiliation story, the pink-room suicide watch told in his own voice, the "art is just absolutely magic" credo, and a gorgeous riff on shitty country music and Love Boat/Baywatch as deep existential material — pop culture as a dunghill with roses, and serious art as what trains you to see them.

Key claims

  • The towel-boy story: post-Whiting-Award DFW working as "a towel boy at something called the Auburndale Health Club in Watertown," literally diving under the counter to avoid being recognized by Michael Ryan, a fellow Whiting winner — then never going back. The nadir-of-the-late-80s anecdote in his own telling.
  • Not "centered": "I see myself as somebody who's been unbelievably burned by no one other than me... I wouldn't be so careful about this kind of stuff if I felt very much confidence that I could handle it well" — said while flagging, on tape, that the confession "makes very good copy."
  • The pink room: he's "really exhausted a couple other ways to live... taken them to their conclusion. Which for me was a pink room, with no furniture and a drain in the center of the floor... where they put me for an entire day when they thought I was going to kill myself." Survival requires "a few things that I believe in" — chiefly the luck and obligation of the work.
  • The credo: "I have this unbelievably like five-year-old's belief that art is just absolutely magic. And that good art can do things that nothing else in the solar system can do."
  • Country music decoded: Bloomington radio's "Baby since you've left I can't live" songs become "incredibly existentialist songs" if the absent lover is a metaphor for self or God — "they're singing about something much more elemental being missing... it's all about the really profound shit... adjusted in various ways to talk to various demographic groups for commercial reasons."
  • Formula as comfort: Love Boat/Baywatch predictability "is so profoundly soothing... a narrative that will take care of you, and won't in any way challenge you. It's like being wrapped in a chamois blanket and nestled against a big, generous tit" — the function is "deep in a certain way."
  • The trick and the trap: "if there's one thing that serious art can do... it can try to put you in places where you're more alive to hearing that... it can seduce you into paying attention to stuff in a way that's hard to pay attention to. The paradox is that the popular stuff is training you not to do the work."
  • Writers aren't smarter: "I think they may be more compelling in their stupidity, or in their confusion. Stuff said out loud on the page doesn't look said out loud. It just looks crazy."

Themes

Addiction/recovery biography (McLean, the unit); fame and self-distrust; entertainment as anesthetic vs. art as attention-training (the Entertainment's logic); pop culture's buried religious content (anticipates the worship material in the ZDF 2003 interview).

Cross-references

  • Lipsky book note: this is the primary source the book transcribes; the excerpt confirms its tone — candor plus live anxiety about how the candor will read.
  • E Unibus Pluram: Love Boat/Baywatch riff = the essay's TV-pleasure analysis with the sneer removed.
  • McCaffery interview: "art is magic" / what-fiction-alone-can-do.
  • The Unfinished: the pink room and suicide-watch chronology, independently documented.
  • IJ connections: Gately's ward-bed epiphanies and AA's commercialized-pathos hymns; the Entertainment as terminal chamois blanket; Mario's unironic reception of "corny" material as the rose in the dunghill.

Notable passages

  • "A pink room, with no furniture and a drain in the center of the floor... when that happens to you, you get unprecedentedly willing to examine other alternatives for how to live."
  • "I have this unbelievably like five-year-old's belief that art is just absolutely magic."
  • "It's like being wrapped in a chamois blanket and nestled against a big, generous tit."
  • "The paradox is that the popular stuff is training you not to do the work."