IJ study archive

Hal's dread of being fed to Wayne for the patrons

quote

Hal’s private dread is that Tavis will want him to offer up his personal competitive map and dignity to John (‘N.R.’) Wayne—who’s never in several matches lost more than three games in a set to Hal—for the titillation of the alumni and patrons at the November Fundraiser-gala’s exhibitions

Context

The athletic body as gala merchandise, dreaded. Hal fears Tavis will make him "offer up his personal competitive map and dignity to John ('N.R.') Wayne... for the titillation of the alumni and patrons." An exhibition loss to Wayne would be a public un-selfing — his "competitive map" surrendered for donor entertainment, the developed body put on stage to be beaten for money. It's the Fundraiser's livestock-auction logic (cf. 165's "check our teeth") felt in advance as personal dread. (Ties to 132's stock-gauging and the "demapping" vocabulary.)

In anthology