the addict's arithmetic: hated it, couldn't stop

The exact arithmetic of late enslavement, all four terms held at once: she hates it, wants to stop, can't stop, and can't imagine stopping or living without it. The love is gone and the compulsion remains, which is the whole difference between a habit and a disease — and the only honest response left, the admission of powerlessness, arrives weeping, clutching her heart, the same surrender the Program stages on purpose reached here alone on a bathroom floor.